Eric Theise

"don't order "organic jam" for your bagel and expect to get, you know, organic jam. Plain old corn syrupy Smuckers, whatever."

"This place is not presently open for business."

"Weds, 10-2, May-Oct"

"Get a MUNI pass when you disembark; it's good for TWENTY FOUR HOURS. So long, monthly pass, been good to use ya."

"O, my constituency, I have made my final checkin. The mayorship will soon open again, like the first daffodil of the year. May the best vee-arr-ian take my place; vertical, responding."

"It's Burnet, durn it, cain't you learn it?"