Gareth

"Slowest service ever. Four baristas, but you’d think it was only one."

"Even with the low expectations I have for Morrisons, this is a massive disappointment."

"They don't like it if you turn the sound off on the self-checkouts. Apparently against company policy. Tough."

"If the Velociraptor asks you what time it is, or if you've got a light, just walk away. He's trying to engage you in conversation and will only ever talk about his huge collection of puffin corpses."

"Watch your step, the floor is very uneven. Yes, obviously it was the floor's fault! It's not like I'm a clumsy oaf!"

"Not convinced the staff in Starbucks here know the difference between caf and decaf."