Ozzies Gaf

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  • Lisa
    LisaAugust 7, 2013
    Been here 25+ times
    Tell the cat you're worried about his weight gain and to cut down on all the tasty mice and sparrows.
  • Lisa
    LisaMay 10, 2013
    Been here 25+ times
    Make loud farting noises in the garden to perplex the neighbours
  • Lisa
    LisaDecember 31, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Why not dye the cat pink, shave off some of his fur and give him poodle lessons.
  • Lisa
    LisaSeptember 3, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    The cat ate all the sandwiches
  • Lisa
    LisaSeptember 3, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Why not superglue cherries to your elbows and try to lick them off.
  • Lisa
    LisaSeptember 3, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Never offer you salt with your strawberries!
  • Lisa
    LisaAugust 27, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Try to get the seat that's the shape of a rear end
  • Lisa
    LisaMay 15, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Tell the cat he's got to start eating more vitamin enriched foods and send him to the gym. ;)
  • Lisa
    LisaMay 6, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Lick the cat thoroughly to give yourself a nice hairy tongue.
  • Lisa
    LisaApril 28, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Wash all the windows with cheese and then complain to everyone about how dirty they are.
  • Lisa
    LisaApril 28, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Offer a free nose hair braiding service to all over 35's who enter your home.
  • Lisa
    LisaApril 28, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    When making tea for your friend, make it with cold water and when she complains it's cold tell her it's hot and it must just be her malfunctioning tongue hair.
  • Lisa
    LisaApril 28, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    You're not allowed to use the bath unless you wear flippers and a snorkelling mask.
  • Lisa
    LisaApril 28, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    If you open the fridge watch out for the turnip.
  • ivor b.
    ivor biggunApril 17, 2012
    I didn't feel welcome at all
  • Lisa
    LisaFebruary 22, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Curl your whiskers with your mums tongs and go for a night on the tiles picking up hot mice.
  • Lisa
    LisaFebruary 21, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Fashion little hats out of melon and wear them whilst watching Emerdale.
  • Lisa
    LisaFebruary 21, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Why not walk around the house on your hands while whistling the star spangled banner and blowing a small trumpet with your nose.
  • Lisa
    LisaJanuary 26, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    You could always pop round to Jens to borrow a cup of squid.
  • Lisa
    LisaJanuary 26, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Do tiny cartwheels in the kitchen using carrot sticks and celery hearts.
  • Lisa
    LisaJanuary 7, 2012
    Been here 25+ times
    Fart 8 times in rapid succession.
  • Glowco
    GlowcoOctober 12, 2011
    Been here 50+ times
    Why not try brown sauce instead of ketchup
  • Lisa
    LisaSeptember 26, 2011
    Been here 25+ times
    Pretend you're a pirate every time you wash the dishes, and sail around in the sink in a boat made of cheese.
  • Lisa
    LisaSeptember 24, 2011
    Been here 25+ times
    Instead of a full carpet, why not just tie little pieces to your feet for that fresh new carpet feel.
  • Lisa
    LisaSeptember 23, 2011
    Been here 25+ times
    You could always sweep the floor...with a small comb.
  • Glowco
    GlowcoSeptember 23, 2011
    Been here 50+ times
    Why not cross out all the 'e's on your glasses and write over with a 'k' with a red sharpie marker...for fun!
  • Glowco
    GlowcoSeptember 23, 2011
    Been here 50+ times
    Why not get in the hot tub with a hairy young cat
  • Glowco
    GlowcoSeptember 23, 2011
    Been here 50+ times
    Why not clean the White board and re write the to do lists in a different colour
  • Lisa
    LisaSeptember 22, 2011
    Been here 25+ times
    Try walking up and down the stairs eight times with an empty mug before watching Coronation Street.
  • Glowco
    GlowcoSeptember 22, 2011
    Been here 50+ times
    Why not de head any dead plants
  • Lisa
    LisaSeptember 21, 2011
    Been here 25+ times
    Why not walk like an egyptian
  • Lisa
    LisaAugust 4, 2011
    Been here 25+ times
    Watch out! Ozzie's about!
  • Glowco
    GlowcoJuly 25, 2011
    Been here 50+ times
    Beware of the Bawtry Beast
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