Ozzies Gaf

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33 Tips

  • Lisa

    Tell the cat you're worried about his weight gain and to cut down on all the tasty mice and sparrows.

    Lisa · August 7, 2013
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  • Lisa

    Make loud farting noises in the garden to perplex the neighbours

    Lisa · May 10, 2013
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  • Lisa

    Why not dye the cat pink, shave off some of his fur and give him poodle lessons.

    Lisa · December 31, 2012
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  • Lisa

    The cat ate all the sandwiches

    Lisa · September 3, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Why not superglue cherries to your elbows and try to lick them off.

    Lisa · September 3, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Never offer you salt with your strawberries!

    Lisa · September 3, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Try to get the seat that's the shape of a rear end

    Lisa · August 27, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Tell the cat he's got to start eating more vitamin enriched foods and send him to the gym. ;)

    Lisa · May 15, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Lick the cat thoroughly to give yourself a nice hairy tongue.

    Lisa · May 6, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Wash all the windows with cheese and then complain to everyone about how dirty they are.

    Lisa · April 28, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Offer a free nose hair braiding service to all over 35's who enter your home.

    Lisa · April 28, 2012
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  • Lisa

    When making tea for your friend, make it with cold water and when she complains it's cold tell her it's hot and it must just be her malfunctioning tongue hair.

    Lisa · April 28, 2012
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  • Lisa

    You're not allowed to use the bath unless you wear flippers and a snorkelling mask.

    Lisa · April 28, 2012
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  • Lisa

    If you open the fridge watch out for the turnip.

    Lisa · April 28, 2012
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  • ivor b.

    I didn't feel welcome at all

    ivor biggun · April 17, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Curl your whiskers with your mums tongs and go for a night on the tiles picking up hot mice.

    Lisa · February 22, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Fashion little hats out of melon and wear them whilst watching Emerdale.

    Lisa · February 21, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Why not walk around the house on your hands while whistling the star spangled banner and blowing a small trumpet with your nose.

    Lisa · February 21, 2012
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  • Lisa

    You could always pop round to Jens to borrow a cup of squid.

    Lisa · January 26, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Do tiny cartwheels in the kitchen using carrot sticks and celery hearts.

    Lisa · January 26, 2012
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  • Lisa

    Fart 8 times in rapid succession.

    Lisa · January 7, 2012
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  • Glowco

    Why not try brown sauce instead of ketchup

    Glowco · October 12, 2011
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  • Lisa

    Pretend you're a pirate every time you wash the dishes, and sail around in the sink in a boat made of cheese.

    Lisa · September 26, 2011
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  • Lisa

    Instead of a full carpet, why not just tie little pieces to your feet for that fresh new carpet feel.

    Lisa · September 24, 2011
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  • Lisa

    You could always sweep the floor...with a small comb.

    Lisa · September 23, 2011
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  • Glowco

    Why not cross out all the 'e's on your glasses and write over with a 'k' with a red sharpie marker...for fun!

    Glowco · September 23, 2011
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  • Glowco

    Why not get in the hot tub with a hairy young cat

    Glowco · September 23, 2011
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  • Glowco

    Why not clean the White board and re write the to do lists in a different colour

    Glowco · September 23, 2011
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  • Lisa

    Try walking up and down the stairs eight times with an empty mug before watching Coronation Street.

    Lisa · September 22, 2011
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  • Glowco

    Why not de head any dead plants

    Glowco · September 22, 2011
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  • Lisa

    Why not walk like an egyptian

    Lisa · September 21, 2011
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  • Lisa

    Watch out! Ozzie's about!

    Lisa · August 4, 2011
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  • Glowco

    Beware of the Bawtry Beast

    Glowco · July 25, 2011
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