Gregg Lillie

"Pastor burrito, ask for the sauce on the side. The rule is you can't eat it until you get home. The exception is tacos, tacos can be eaten anywhere."

"use their restroom AFTER eating if you don't want disgusting images in your head while you chow down on your marinated beef"

"so, um, what's the deal with no recycling?"

"guest parking is so weak. had my parents fly in from 3000 miles away and after 10 hours of traveling they can't even stop in to say hi. turn the unused resident spots for guest parking. #whosyourmans"

"make sure you don't piss off the fire marshall"

"Mayan mocha is the way to go. or try a strawberry banana smoothie. or the Waldorf chicken sandwich. or just relax and enjoy not being at starbucks"