Loonla87

"If you're a regular, ask for the coffee stamps and you'll get freebies."

"Beware... This is known as Westside estate... The Wicked Witch of the West resides here..."

"Its on the roadside, once you see the "Valdevaqueros" sign, turn in, it's the next exit on the road. There is no pool, only a small pond that looks like a pool. Restaurant is cheap but slow service."

"Nobody speaks English behind the counter. Just try to use the best bandejo accent you can when speaking to them in English. They also have a special lingo; for example: "UN SHEE!" - cheeseburger"

"My bathroom had no loo roll and the decor is very 1985 but the view outside is great. They have a pool and gym for entertainment."

"Beware of the crazy milk woman, as the legend goes; she steals the milk right out of your fridge and screams at herself at 3am"