Samuel Sargent

"One of the few (maybe the only) place that doesn't charge to air up your tires."

"If you need a tip on what to do at Walmart, you're probably too drunk to read this."

"They have Cracker Jacks in the vending machine."

"Rumor has it that the mayor trades fresh-baked cookies for lap dances."

"This is the best smelling public restroom I've ever been in. It's as if the Kool-Aid man crapped oranges."

"The shrimp here is some of the best I've ever had, especially in the Pollo Hawaiiano."